1. I won't have to think for myself. Oh my God, its so hard to make decisions or plans for my future anymore. I can depend on President Obama for the rest of my life to do all my thinking and make all decisions for me from now on. If he is too busy, someone who works for him will. What a load off my mind. I trust him so much.
2. All my needs will be provided for. I'll just wait for my monthly government check. As long as there are wealthy people to provide for us and the government printing presses are well oiled, we will never run out of money. As I heard someone else say on Barack's election day, "I never thought this day would come. I'll never have to work to pay for gasoline again. I'll never have to work to pay my mortgage anymore." Well said.
3. My college tuition will be free. Why should I leave my parent's house and struggle to get a grant or a student loan or pay tuition when everything will be given to me? I hear that under Obama you will get a "B" for just showing up in class now.
4. There will be no world conflict because we will all get along now. Everybody loves Obama. Terrorism has begun to end now that the world knows we are harmless. We no longer have anything to fear. The shootings in Mumbai were aberrations, and didn't affect us because it happened so far away, and not here.
5. No one will hate America anymore. Everyone knows that the only reason that all the world hated us was because of George Bush. Problem solved.
6. I won't have to worry about gun violence or crime. Obama is against guns guns and is against concealed carry of handguns. His attorney general has announced that Obama has a few things he wants to do with guns. We can join Europe in making guns illegal. They have no crime problems.
7. My health care will be free. We will model our free health care after the efficient systems in Canada and England. Health care is for the healthy and the young. Valuable resources won't be squandered in treating the elderly because they have lived their lives. We will give them some free pain pills and send them home to relax.
8. My housing will be free. There are lots of vacant houses now. If I don't like the one I live in now, I can just move into the one you recently vacated. I can depend on Obama, or maybe even you to pay my mortgage for me if I ever need to get one.
9. And, of course, free food too. Some people get free food now, but the program will expand for everyone. Instead of shopping, I will just show up at a government warehouse free super market and get all the free food that I can eat. I will always be thoughtful and courteous and not take too much.
10. The wealthy will pay for everything. Need I say more?
11. Bonus Reason. I will never have to worry about anything ever again.
12. Bonus Reason. Chicks dig socialists too.
13. Bonus reason No one will have those vicious guns. I won't have to worry about crime anymore.
14. CNN and MSNBC will be my eyes and ears. They will watch anyone who may disobey the directions of Barack Obama and have unbiased news reports, unlike other non mainstream media.
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