Friday, April 24, 2009

Obama To Regulate Ammunition- And Other White House Brainstorming

In his latest effort to be all things to all people, Barack Obama has developed a gun control program that will appease both the pro and anti gun sides. The news will be that you will still be able to own all the guns that you want. However, he will regulate possession of ammunition to only one bullet. You can choose any caliber you want as long as it is under .50 cal Browning Machine Gun.

Taking pride on well thought out decisions, and after a marathon "Andy Griffith Show" viewing marathon with his full cabinet, Obama decided that the Barney Fife method of gun control is perfect for America. The bullet will be further regulated by a requirement that it be kept in your shirt pocket. If you don't have a shirt pocket, you can wear it on a chain around your neck. It is rumored that this chain carrying method was developed in deference for gang members, who can wear theirs on a gold chain. But, Obama warns them not to allow fellow gangsters to determine their "street rep" in their gang by the size of their bullet.

Other White House Ideas since tongue lashing of credit card CEO's, and car manufacturer and bank takeovers:

1. No more $12.00 beers at airports: Just like sudden credit card interest rate hikes, why should people go to a bar at an airport and be ambushed by price gouging on beer prices.

2. Regulation of sports:

Basketball: In an effort to make Obama's favorite, basketball, more competitive, he will level the "slam dunk" playing field. The officials will be able to push a button that gives the rim a 220 volt electric charge to any player who hangs on to it while slam dunking. To further make the game more competitive, players who are especially good shots will face a similar electric shock that is activated by sensors in their Reeboks when they cross the key lines. This will force all their shot trys to be three pointers.

Childrens Bowling: To increase all children's self esteem, children will bowl with two balls attached together by a bar like the weights weightlifters lift. The balls will both roll down the gutter together, and the bar will knock down all the pins. This will prepare children for the real world,and assure that every child has a strike every time they roll. This will further The self esteem goals of the NEA and further ingratiate them to his administration.

Baseball. Anyone who runs too fast will have weights attached to their legs to compensate for their unfair advantages. Obama got this idea from new regulations he imposed on businesses taken over by him. Pitchers who throw too many strikes will have to pitch with a bag over their head. Anyone who steal bases will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law by Eric Holder. Of course, the perfect Obama ideal will be to share scores if any team gets too far ahead.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

so true